


Two Years Too Long

by thealphagate_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-25
Updated: 2006-03-25
Packaged: 2019-02-02 18:18:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12731787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thealphagate_archivist/pseuds/thealphagate_archivist
Summary: Jack and Daniel try to move on and let go of the past.





	Two Years Too Long

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the archivists: this story was originally archived at [The Alpha Gate](https://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Alpha_Gate), a Stargate SG-1 archive, which began migration to the AO3 in 2017 when its hosting software, eFiction, was no longer receiving support. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are this creator and it hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Alpha Gate collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/thealphagate).

Tick. Tick. Tick.

It was odd, really, how time could move so slowly yet so fast at the same time. Sitting in the cold silence of his living room, listening to the clock steadily mark the passing of time, Jack could almost believe that this afternoon would stretch on forever. Yet the last few years of his life seemed to be little more than a dream, the days blurring together, piling up until in what felt like no time at all he was brought again to this milestone. This anniversary. Two years to the day since his world had fallen apart.

Jack reached out with one hand, lifting the bottle of scotch that sat on the table next to him and slowly bringing it to his lips. Tipping his head back, he downed another large mouthful, relishing the burning feeling it left as it traveled down his throat. Placing the bottle back on the table, he rubbed one hand over his bleary red eyes, trying to make them focus properly. His gaze passed across the room, taking in the disarray before coming to rest on the mantelpiece.

Lurching to his feet, Jack carefully if unsteadily made his way across to the other side of the room. Leaning against the wall to balance himself, he picked up the picture that his eyes had been fixed on, wiping the dust off the glass with one hand. In it, two men stood side by side, grinning at the camera. His mind went back to the day it had been taken, almost three years ago now. It had been the annual Christmas party at the SGC, and he and Daniel had been arguing good-naturedly about something when Carter had come up to them with a camera.

"Can I take a photo of you two?" She'd asked, already lining up the shot. Daniel had tried to back out, but Jack wouldn't let him, flinging one arm around the younger man's shoulders to keep him in place.

"C'mon, Danny, it's only one picture." He'd coaxed, flashing his friend a grin. Daniel had sighed good-naturedly and acquiesced.

"I suppose so. But don't blame me if it turns out horribly. I don't photograph well." Daniel had insisted.

"Hey, you're standing beside me! No one will even be looking at you, Danny boy. They'll be blinded by my good looks and obvious charisma."

Daniel had grinned then, one of those rare smiles that lit up his whole face. Carter had snapped the picture half a second before he had started laughing, and when Jack had seen the photo he had immediately demanded a copy. He'd framed it and stood it next to a picture of Charlie on his mantelpiece, where he could see it every day.

Jack stared sadly down at the image of himself as he had been, so happy. So content. He hadn't even realized how lucky he was until it was too late. He'd taken it all for granted, assuming that things would always be the same.

He was startled out of his reverie by the sound of the phone ringing. He waited, unmoving, listening dully as the answering machine picked up. He heard his own voice, repeating some inane speech in a monotone, followed by a loud beep and someone leaving a message.

"Uh, Colonel O'Neill, it's Terry Emerson from the agency. I just wanted to let you know that none of the leads we had panned out, so we haven't managed to locate Dr Jackson as yet, but we do have some new leads to follow up on. So, uh, give us a call and let us know if you'd like us to continue. Thanks. Bye."

Jack clutched the frame in his hands so hard the knuckles turned white. Another false lead, another hope dashed. He'd been trying to find Daniel for two long years, and every time he thought he was getting close he just kept finding himself back to square one.

"Dammit, Daniel!" He shouted suddenly, hurling the picture at the far wall with all the force he could muster. "Why'd you have to go?" He stood, breathing heavily, surveying the mess of shattered glass. After a few moments, he slowly walked over to where the frame was lying, disregarding the broken glass as he kneeled on the floor. Picking the photo up, he gently brushed a few shards off its surface, tracing one finger tenderly over the image of the smiling man. He couldn't help but wonder how he might have changed. Would he still have short hair, or would he have grown it long again? Would he still have those glasses, or would he have traded them in for contacts? Would he still have the same intense gaze, same radiant smile, same ready laugh?

"Dammit, Danny..." Jack whispered brokenly, closing his eyes as he felt again the pain of his loss. "Why did you have to go?"

* * *

Daniel yawned and stretched, looking up from the computer screen to the clock on the far wall. He was startled to see that it was getting late, the hours of the afternoon having disappeared without his noticing. He glanced out the window to see the sun already low on the horizon, the shadows of the trees long on the ground.

Shaking his head self-deprecatingly, Daniel saved the document he had been working on and leaned back in his chair. The room had grown dark, the only source of light the screen of the notebook computer sitting on the desk in front of him. Closing his eyes, he took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes with one hand while listening to the silence. After a few moments he stood, rolling his neck and shoulders to work out the kinks while he closed and unplugged his computer. Lifting it off the table, he carried it with him as he left the small room.

Emerging into his living room, Daniel squinted a little as his eyes adjusted to the bright light. Depositing his computer on the coffee table, he knelt down in front of the fireplace and set about lighting a fire. Once it was burning to his satisfaction, he poured himself a glass of wine from a bottle in the fridge and dropped onto the sofa with a weary sigh. It was strange, Daniel mused as he sipped his drink, how tiring it could be to sit in front of a computer doing nothing but writing. He had been doing it for almost two years now, and it still managed to completely exhaust him by the time each day was through.

Daniel eyed the computer where his latest work was waiting to be completed. If anyone had told him five years ago that he would be writing novels for a living, he would have thought they were insane. Yet here he was, about a month away from finishing his second book. And despite the fact that he used to lead such an exciting life (or perhaps because of it), he found himself growing to love the relative quiet and isolation of his new livelihood. It gave him a sense of satisfaction to walk into a bookstore and see his work sitting there on a shelf, even if no-one knew that he was the author. Daniel Jackson had disappeared the day he left Colorado Springs, and Daniel Reilly had taken his place.

He ran a hand absently through his short brown hair, frowning. Although he had tried to ignore it, some part of him kept insisting that he take notice of today's date. It was two years today since he had left behind everyone and everything that he knew. Two years since his new life had started and Daniel Reilly had first appeared. Idly, Daniel wondered if that made it his birthday. Ironically enough, although birthdays were usually days of celebration, the reminder of this particular anniversary brought him nothing but pain and regret. It was hard, on days like today, to stop himself from wondering whether he had done the right thing. Whether he should have stayed instead of running away to create himself a completely new life. But every time the question rose in his mind, Daniel only had to think of Jack's face and he had his answer.

Placing his wine glass carefully on the coffee table, Daniel slipped off the sofa onto the floor in front of the fireplace. He could feel the heat from the fire warming him, and he sighed as he stared into the flames.

"Have you forgiven me yet, Jack?" He murmured quietly, drawing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. "Have you managed to forget what happened?"

The sound of logs crackling in the fire was his only answer. After a time, he slowly got to his feet and walked over to some drawers, managing after some rummaging to find a pen and some paper. Seating himself back on the floor, he took a deep breath to compose himself before putting the pen to paper.

_Dear Jack,_

* * *

Jack couldn't bring himself to move. Lying on his side in his bed, he stared at the photo of himself and Daniel that he had propped up on the bedside table. Somehow, he had thought that this would be the day Daniel would turn up, or call, or **something**. He had spent the better part of the evening getting drunker and drunker while sitting next to the phone, praying to the gods he didn't believe in that Daniel would call.

But he hadn't.

He couldn't even blame the other man, not really. He'd tried, when Daniel had first left. However, his anger had always turned to sorrow and self-recrimination. Jack knew that he had driven Daniel away, and he had wished every day for a chance to make it better. A chance to see Daniel again, and ask his forgiveness. Unbidden, the image of Daniel as he had last seen him sprang into Jack's mind. The look of distress that had been on Daniel's face as Jack had closed the door on him was imprinted forever into his memory, where it could torture him every day.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut. Breathing shallowly, he tried to banish the image from his mind, trying desperately to stop himself from going over the whole incident yet again. After a minute or so, he became dimly aware of the sound of a phone ringing. Sitting bolt upright, he swung his legs over the side of the bed, staggering as quickly as possible down the hall. As he reached the phone he hesitated, his hand hovering, trembling, over the receiver before he snatched it up.

"Hello?" Jack's voice was unsteady, the nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach expressed fully in that one word.

"Um, hi, sir." The distinctly feminine voice coming from the phone had an air of awkwardness about it.

"Carter." Jack said bleakly, sagging against the wall in disappointment.

"Yes sir. I'm sorry, I wouldn't bother you, it's just that... well, I thought if you needed some company today..." Sam trailed off uncomfortably.

"Today?" Jack tried to sound nonchalant. "There's something special about today?"

There was a brief silence on the other end of the line. "Sir... I may not know what happened or why he left, but I know how much you miss him."

Jack laughed bitterly. "You can say his name, Carter. I promise not to self-destruct."

"...I know you miss Daniel, sir."

"If you say so. Now if you don't mind, I think I'd rather be left alone." _In case Daniel tries to call_ , Jack added silently.

"Yes sir. See you Monday then."

Jack hung up the phone without bothering to say goodbye.

* * *

_Dear Jack,_

_It's been two years since I've seen you. Two years too long. From my perspective, at any rate. I shouldn't speak for you. My life since leaving the SGC has been... different. I know that I left rather abruptly, and I hope you'll forgive me for that. Please believe me when I say that I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. Although some days I still wonder if I should have stayed. Do you think that would have worked, Jack? Would **we** have worked? Or would we have spent all our time avoiding one another, pretending that nothing was wrong? No, better for all of us that I didn't put you in that position. I won't try to pretend that my decision was entirely selfless, either: I don't think I could have seen you every day, knowing what we had, and knowing that it would never be that way again. Perhaps I did take the easy way out, but I think it worked out for the best for both of us. There was nothing keeping me at the SGC but you, Jack. There was nothing that I was doing there that couldn't be done by other people, as evidenced by the fact General Hammond hasn't called me to say otherwise. I do miss you, though. You were my best friend, and you, Sam and Teal'c were the only family I had. I miss your bad jokes, and snide remarks. I miss your smile, even your teasing (believe it or not). I've often thought of you all, wondered how things were, what would have changed. Like who the fourth member of SG-1 is these days, and whether or not you've accepted them yet... but I'm projecting again. For all I know, you're best friends with this person, sitting around eating pizza and drinking beer when you have some downtime. And although I know I have no claim to that position anymore, I'd be lying if I said the idea didn't make me jealous. Maybe they won't give you any new grey hairs, question your orders, or tell you off like I did. But then, they won't (they **can't** ) love you as I did. As I do. In retrospect, I suppose I should have seen this coming. As your friend, I really shouldn't have been noticing things like how beautiful your eyes are, or how they crinkle a little at the corners when you smile. I shouldn't have been thinking about running my fingers through your hair, or wondering what it would be like to kiss you. It shouldn't have been a surprise when I realized that I loved you, and yet it was. God, Jack, I'm so sorry that you were dragged into it. If I could go back and do it differently, I would. I'm hoping that by now, you'll have forgiven what happened between us that night. I know that nothing I can say can ever make it go away completely, but maybe we can put it behind us. Maybe I can banish from my mind the feeling of your lips on mine, the look in your eyes as we made love for the first time. For the last time. Maybe when I think of you now, I'll be able to see you as the friend I had rather than the lover I wanted. And maybe you 'll be able to remember me warmly, remember the years we spent caring for each other, rather than the man in your bed that you fled from. As you probably noticed, my return address will be on the back of the envelope this letter came in. I leave it in your hands whether or not you want to make use of that. If I never hear from you, I'll know that I shouldn't call, or write again. Please forgive me for intruding into your life after all this time. I should have kept my silence, but things as they are between us need closure. I need to know, to move on, one way or the other. Whether it's to have you back in my life or to say goodbye forever is now up to you. In case I never get the chance to say this to your face. never doubt that I loved you, Jack. I always will._

_Daniel._

* * *

He'd been kidding himself.

Jack sat in the hallway next to his phone, staring blindly at the opposite wall. He could feel his back beginning to protest his position, but he couldn't find the energy to get up. It had struck him with the force of a hammer blow after he hung up the phone, and he had slid bonelessly to the floor. He'd been kidding himself. Daniel was never going to come back, no matter how much he wished it would happen.

And the worst part was, it would never have happened if it weren't for him. Daniel had done exactly what Jack had wanted him to do, and then been rebuked for it. Jack dropped his head into his hands and moaned as the scene replayed itself in his mind.

* * *

"So. Not that I mind the company, Danny, but why exactly are you here? Normally you have to be strapped to a chair to agree to watch hockey with me, but not only did you volunteer, I haven't heard you complain once." Jack said mildly.

"What? I don't mind hockey, really. I just thought it would be nice for us to have a guys night. We haven't done that for a while."

Jack raised one eyebrow but didn't comment. Daniel looked down at the floor, his hands playing nervously with the label of the beer bottle in his hands. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then shook his head and shrugged resignedly. "I don't think you really want to get into this, Jack. Can't we just spend some time together without there having to be some ulterior motive? Friends do that, you know."

Jack frowned at the slightly defensive tone that had crept into Daniel's voice, and noted that the younger man still wouldn't meet his eyes. He leaned forward and placed his beer on the table, fixing Daniel with an earnest look. "Daniel. You know that you can tell me about... stuff. I may not be the best at the talking part, but I know how to listen." He waited as Daniel absorbed that comment before continuing. "Is something going on?"

Daniel licked his lips nervously, his gaze darting around the room before coming to rest on Jack. "Well, uh, sort of. Yeah."

The colonel nodded, quickly switching off the television and giving Daniel his full attention. "Want to tell me about it?"

A laugh. "Not really." Then, after a few silent moments, "I've done something stupid, Jack. Really stupid. And I don't know how to tell you, because... I don't know how you'll take it." Daniel's voice was quiet and even, but Jack could see the effort it was costing him to say these words. Taking a deep breath, he groped for something to say.

"Well, I have to say that I don't think you're possible of doing stupid things. Occasionally thoughtless, yes. But stupid?" He waved one hand in a negative gesture. "You're too smart for that, Daniel. And as to how I'll take whatever's bothering you..." He blew out a breath and considered it seriously for a few seconds. "I don't know. I guess I won't know unless you tell me. But... well, you know... we're friends. I'm not going to... I mean, I won't... I don't think you have to worry about it, ok?" Jack finished his disjointed speech and looked uncomfortable for a moment, before shrugging and giving Daniel a lopsided smile. "I told you I wasn't good with the talking stuff. Sorry."

Daniel gave him a wry smile. "Don't worry, I've become somewhat of an expert in 'Jack speak'."

Jack laughed softly but didn't reply, waiting for his friend to continue when he was ready. The archeologist took a large mouthful of his beer before placing the bottle on the floor. Sighing, he rubbed his face with his hands, a look of acute apprehension expressed there.

"You know we've been friends for... what, a few years now?" At Jack's nod, Daniel continued. "Good friends. After that first mission to Abydos, I knew you were a man I could respect. Someone that I could... could trust..." Daniel's voice broke, and he lifted a shaky hand to run it nervously through his hair.

Jack rose from his seat slowly, moving across from the armchair to sit on the couch beside Daniel. The younger man tensed, but didn't comment as Jack placed a hand on his shoulder. Wordlessly, the colonel waited for him to share what it was he needed to say.

"And... I do trust you. You've saved my life so many times, we've been through so much together, that I just can't imagine my life without you in it." Daniel's blue eyes met Jack's brown ones, but the older man couldn't read the emotion he saw there. "And I'm not just talking about at work, although that's a big part of it, and I suppose we're on the same team anyway so it's not like we had a choice, but we're still..." Daniel made a frustrated gesture with one hand. "Dammit! I'm saying this all wrong." He stood and began pacing restlessly, trying to sort through what was going on in his head. Jack watched him silently, wondering what could possibly have reduced his normally articulate friend to his current state.

After a few minutes Daniel stopped, standing motionless in the middle of the room. He cast a sideways glance at Jack before closing his eyes. "I don't know how to say this, so I'm just going to say it."

"Ok." Jack said slowly, taken aback by the despairing tone of Daniel's voice.

"Jack... I love you." Daniel froze, waiting for Jack's reaction.

Jack blinked a few times, his mouth hanging open slightly. A light flush crept up his face as he replied. "I, uh... me too. You, I mean. You're... you're my best friend, Danny. You know I care about you." He coughed uncomfortably and scratched the back of his neck.

Daniel's laugh sounded more like a sob. "You don't understand... I mean... I'm trying to tell you..." He trailed off, and then suddenly he whirled around and grabbed Jack's face, pulling him into a deep kiss.

Jack couldn't move. He couldn't comprehend what had just happened. By the time his brain had accepted the fact that Daniel was kissing him - that he was being kissed by **Daniel** \- the younger man broke the kiss and pulled away slightly. Jack stared into those eyes, so close to his own, and was overwhelmed. He had no trouble this time identifying what was expressed there: it was love. Daniel loved him.

As if echoing his thought, Daniel murmured softly, "I love you, Jack O'Neill."

Jack could feel his eyes widening as he looked at his best friend. He let his gaze slowly travel over Daniel's face, taking in his clear blue eyes, the fall of light brown hair that framed them. The faint shadow of stubble on his cheeks, and those lips... lips still swollen from kissing him. Why had he never noticed before how attractive Daniel was? Jack was sure it was a cliché of the worst kind, but he felt like he was seeing his friend for the first time. And he definitely liked what he saw.

There was only one way to respond to Daniel's confession. Lifting an arm, Jack gently stroked Daniel's hair once, before cupping his hand behind the younger man's head and drawing him in for another kiss.

Daniel responded enthusiastically, his tongue warring with Jack's as they explored each other's mouths. Jack closed his eyes and savoured the sensations - Daniel's mouth hot on his, their breath mingling, hands roaming and searching for skin. The sound of a moan reached Jack's ears, but he could not have said whether it came from him or from Daniel.

Suddenly Jack broke off the kiss, gasping for breath as he pulled back. Standing quickly, he yanked Daniel to his feet and pulled him in for another crushing kiss as they fumbled their way towards the stairs, discarding clothing as they went. Eventually they made it to the bedroom, and divested each other of the last of their clothes as they fell on the bed.

For a time they just lay there, taking in the sight of each other's bodies. Daniel's exposed skin made Jack long to run his hands over that body, thoroughly exploring every inch of it. Eventually he reached out, his hands skimming lightly over his lover's skin as he tasted it, mapping it out with his tongue. Daniel gasped and grabbed Jack's shoulders, pulling him up for a long, hard kiss.

"I want to feel you inside me, Jack." Daniel said when they broke apart, panting. His face was flushed and he was trembling slightly as he ran his hands down Jack's chest.

"Are you sure?" Jack whispered, his eyes searching Daniel's.

Daniel smiled and pulled his lover to him. "I'm sure. Make love to me, Jack."

* * *

So he had.

Jack tried to forget, tried to stop the memories. Tried hard not to remember the way it had felt to be inside Daniel, that hot, tight flesh surrounding him. The way that Daniel had looked, lying beneath him, the eyes fixed on Jack's expressing love and trust. Or how Daniel had cried out as he came, his fingers digging into Jack's back

_"Jack... oh god, Jack..."_

Afterwards, they had fallen asleep in each other's arms. Jack had been the first to wake the next morning, and the enormity of what had happened had suddenly struck him.

* * *

Jack climbed out of his bed, being careful not to wake Daniel, and made his way silently to the bathroom. Closing the door quietly behind him, he leaned on the sink and stared into the mirror. Staring back at him was the face of a man who had just had sex with his best friend. His very **male** best friend.

Jack ran some cold water in the sink, splashing it onto his face with trembling hands. What had happened? Only something that could ruin his life, ruin Daniel's life. And both of their careers. He hadn't been thinking.... last night, it had felt so right. This morning, it just seemed foolish. What would happen if someone found out? He couldn't be with Daniel. It was just too dangerous. He might have feelings for Daniel, but that didn't mean that he could just pretend this wouldn't screw up everything they had both worked for the past few years. Jack wasn't under any illusions about what would happen if someone like Maybourne or Kinsey discovered their relationship. They would find a way to use it against him, or against Daniel. He couldn't let that happen.

Sighing, Jack straightened up and dried his face on a towel. He'd tell Daniel to leave, and they'd figure it out later. Yeah. Later. He didn't think he was capable of discussing this right now. Steeling himself, Jack wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the bathroom door, walking out into his bedroom.

* * *

Daniel looked down at the letter in his hand, re-reading it slowly. After he finished, he dropped it to the floor, leaning back on his elbows and staring into the flames once again. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to send it after all. There was a chance that Jack may have forgiven him, but there was an equally good chance that he was still angry. If he was, and he received this letter now, it would only serve to make him angrier.

Daniel laughed bitterly. There had been no mistaking Jack's response when this had happened, two years ago. He had definitely been angry then.

* * *

Daniel woke to find the bed beside him empty. Frowning, he reached over and laid a hand on the sheet. Still warm. Just then, he heard the sound of water running in the bathroom.

Reassured, the archeologist lay back down, staring up at the ceiling with a small smile on his face. He ran over the events of the night before in his mind, his smile growing wider as he imagined doing it all again.

The sound of the bathroom door opening broke into his thoughts, and he propped himself up on one elbow as Jack emerged, a towel around his waist.

"Hey." He greeted Jack warmly.

"Hey." Jack's tone was decidedly less enthusiastic. Daniel felt his brow furrow.

"Jack? Is something wrong?" He asked cautiously.

"I think you should leave. It's not a good idea for you to be here." Jack said impassively, tossing Daniel the boxer shorts he'd dropped on the floor the previous night. Daniel caught them, holding the silky material in one hand as he stared openmouthed at his lover.

"What's going on, Jack? Why are you acting like this?"

Jack gave him a flat look. "Like what?"

"Like you're angry with me for some reason. Why else would you be kicking me out of your house?"

"Daniel... I don't want to talk about it now." Jack's voice was even, emotionless.

"Well, I think it would be a good idea. What happened last night is... huge, Jack. It changes everything. I know that's a lot to deal with first thing in the morning." Daniel said carefully.

Jack shrugged, looking everywhere but at the man in his bed. "Can't you just let it go, for once? I already told you it's a bad idea for you to be here. Go home, Daniel. Just. leave."

Daniel slipped on his boxers, walking around the bed to Jack's side. "Whatever's going on in your head, I really think we should talk about it, Jack." The younger man laid a hand on his lover's bare shoulder.

Jack jumped slightly, and shrugged off Daniel's hand. "Don't."

A hurt expression passed over Daniel's face. "So what's this? Is this the part where you pretend that last night didn't happen?"

"It shouldn't have happened. I didn't really want it to happen."

Daniel's expression changed to a look of disbelief. "No? I wasn't exactly holding you down, as I recall."

Jack lost his temper. "Oh, please. You tell me you love me, then kiss me and grind yourself up against me. I haven't been laid in years, Daniel! What was I supposed to do, excuse myself and go jerk off in the bathroom? If you act the way that you did, you get a reaction. I wasn't thinking then. I am now. And as I've already told you, this was and still is a very bad idea. I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen. If you had just told me how you felt instead of pushing every button I had, we wouldn't be in this situation. I'm a colonel in the Air Force. You're a member of my team, for cryin' out loud. Are you beginning to get the picture?"

"So... you're saying that we should just forget it ever happened." Daniel said neutrally.

Jack snorted. "Like that'll work. Somehow, I don't see myself forgetting that I had sex with you, Daniel. Ever."

"Oh, I understand now. This is the part where you start waving around your little flag that says 'Heterosexual, and proud of it!'" An edge of anger crept into the archeologist's voice.

"Yeah, well, sorry that I don't usually find guys attractive, Daniel." Jack said in an acid tone.

"I don't find 'guys' attractive either, Jack. Just you."

This comment seemed to enrage Jack further. "What the hell is your problem? I've told you how I feel. Deal with it. You seem to think this is all about you. Well, it's not. How do you think it's going to make me feel to see you every day, to work with you, and every time I look at you be reminded of... this?" Jack waved a hand at the bed. "I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask for you to come onto me, and I sure as hell didn't ask for you to fall in love with me. You did that all on your own, and dragged me along for the ride. Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted. I hope it was worth it."

Jack's words hit Daniel like blows. He silently turned and went downstairs, gathering up the rest of his clothes as he went. Dressing quickly, he heard Jack come down behind him, and made one last effort.

"We should talk about this, Jack. If not for us, then for the fact that we're going to have to work together. We shouldn't let this affect the team." He said quietly.

Jack unlocked his front door and held it open pointedly. "I don't want to talk about it, Daniel. Just leave."

Daniel walked out the door slowly, turning back to face his friend. "I'll come by tomorrow afternoon, once we've both had some time to cool down."

Jack looked him up and down dismissively. "Don't bother. I don't have anything more to say. We have to work together, so I'll see you then. But I think it would be best if you didn't come around here for a while."

A look of distress crossed Daniel's face, and he seemed about to say something else. Before he could change his mind, Jack slammed the door closed on his friend, and leaned heavily against it until he heard footsteps moving away. Letting out a shuddering breath, he closed his eyes and slowly slid to the floor.

* * *

Jack listened to the echoing silence in his house, his heart empty. He'd gone to work a few days after what had happened, to be told by Hammond that Daniel's resignation had been mailed to the mountain. It was then that he'd realized he had gone too far. But it was too late. Daniel was already gone, and although Jack was sure Hammond knew where, the general wasn't about to tell him. So he'd hired a private detective to find Daniel, but even after two years they still hadn't managed to turn anything up. He'd vanished completely, in a way that was obviously meant to ensure he was never found.

Jack held the photo in front of him, and forced himself to accept the truth. Daniel wasn't coming back. He had to move on, and try to put the past behind him. Slowly, he stood, picking up the phone and dialing a number he knew off by heart.

"Terry. It's Jack O'Neill. Sorry for calling so late... yeah, I got your message. I was just calling to say that I think it's time to give it up. If you haven't found him by now, you're not going to... of course. I'll come by in the next few days. Thanks."

Hanging up the phone, Jack rested his head against the wall for a few minutes and tried not to think about what he was doing. Eventually, he straightened up and made his way into the kitchen. Looking through some drawers, he managed to find some matches, and searched the cupboards until he found a metal bowl. Setting them on the counter, he stared at the picture of his lover one last time.

"Goodbye, Daniel." He whispered, brushing his lips against the photo's glossy surface. Placing it in the bowl, he lit one of the matches and dropped it in on top. After a moment it caught, and the photo started to burn, turning brown and shriveling in on itself. As Jack watched his lover's smiling face consumed by the flames, a single tear slipped down his cheek.

* * *

Daniel weighed the letter in one hand. It was in an envelope now, signed and sealed. All that remained was the delivery. Turning it over repeatedly in his hands, Daniel considered.

Maybe it was time for him to let go. For two years he'd been dwelling in the past, hoping that there was a chance this could all be made better. He'd moved half way across the country to get away from everything that had happened, and ended up bringing it with him. Maybe it was time for a fresh start, to exorcise the last of Daniel Jackson's demons hiding in Daniel Reilly's head.

Even if this letter were delivered, what difference would it make? It could never erase what had happened between him and Jack. Better to believe that Jack may have forgotten him than to find out that he still felt that same anger. Better to leave him to live his life in peace, then to disrupt it with a reminder of all that had occurred. If Jack had managed to move on, he didn't want to be the one to change that.

Sighing, Daniel ran his fingers over the envelope one last time, before leaning forward and tossing it into the fire with a flick of his wrist. Settling back, he watched the edges curl and turn brown before the whole thing burst into flames, burning until there was nothing left. Daniel saw the smoke and ashes rising up into the chimney, and hoped that his past was being borne along with it.

"Goodbye, Jack." His voice was soft, heavy.

"Goodbye."


End file.
